Home
It is exactly 13 years since the day I left my birth place leaving behind all who were dear to me and everything I had come to know in the first 19 years of my life: my family, many good friends and Home. My family and good friends are still a big part of my life even though we may live miles apart. New friends have enriched my life over the past 13 years and many old friendships have strengthened. Home, on the other hand, is a different story. The one I grew up in no longer feels the same and the adoptive one lacks something I cannot put my finger on!
Maybe I didn’t give myself enough time to bond with any place. After all, I have been leading a nomadic life: leaving for Waterloo after only 2 years of living in Montreal; five years of four-month stays, moving from one place to another in pursuit of education and experience, determined to complete what was commenced without questioning the path. I finally returned to Montreal, an Engineer. This time, I stayed a bit longer: nearly 4 years. But the numbers didn’t seem to matter anymore. My heart wasn’t there; I was in the wrong place in my life!
It took me a while to figure it out. Funny what playing with clay can do to you! It started merely as a hobby in fall 2000. But slowly, it allowed me to imagine a life different from the one I was leading. It awakened parts of me that were long forsaken. All of a sudden, going back was no longer an option. It was time to follow my heart. It was time to let passion set the new direction. The nomad in me was awakened again. This time, I had a better sense of who I was and where I wanted to be. Being free of attachments and the lack of belonging seemed liberating. Maybe I didn’t need a place to call Home after all. Maybe Home could be wherever the passion flows!
One thing led to another and I found myself in Ottawa: The School of Industrial Design, daily bike rides by the Rideau Canal, the Parliament Hill, the Alexandria Bridge and the Museum of Civilization. Change of seasons, Wind, Sun, Rain and Snow: 2 years. Little did I know how I would change after all of this!
The first year was crazy. I don’t think I ever had so many all-nighters! I felt the pressure of time and I had high expectations. Two years of studio work was completed in one; something that many doubted was possible. The direction was right this time, but there was something lacking. That was balance. I couldn’t go on like that anymore. It was time to acknowledge the needs long neglected. It was time for new initiatives; the status quo was no longer acceptable!
The second year was much better. Diversified social circles, developing new friendships and few trips out of town to see friends made life more enjoyable. I became more open to new experiences. I even opened my heart. It wasn’t without consequences. There were some ups and downs; there are still some mixed feelings. But it felt right. I was finally learning how to live life, how to enjoy simple pleasures and how to share joyful moments with others. Not everyone was ready, but that’s life!
Ottawa started to feel like Home! I realized this only as I was preparing to leave again! The nomad within had not rested still. Life in Europe, the Scandinavian Design and growth opportunities had lured me to move again. It was luck! I got into the masters program I wanted. The restless nomad was eager to conquer the world! Yet another force wasn’t ready to let go of Ottawa, the new found communities of friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Moving wasn’t easy anymore! This ambivalence was new. It was surprising. I couldn’t recall ever thinking twice about moving. Packing and leaving had always been easy. But not this time! Something changed in Ottawa. I was a different man. I had allowed myself to bond. I had finally learned how to make myself at home!
“Secure place and sweet wine and tender friend
If only we could keep these three until the end.
The world and its affairs are all nothing for naught
A thousand times I have inquired of this trend.
Alas that until now I was so unaware
That alchemy of life is to befriend a friend.
Find a refuge and make the best of times
From the thieves of life, that our time waste and spend.
Repenting from the lips of the friend and the smiling cup
Is but a fantasy, a notion reason can’t defend.
Though I cannot ever touch your beautiful hair
On this vivid hope I can gladly depend.
The sweet dimple that adorns your chin, in depth,
A million deep thoughts can’t possibly transcend.
If my tears turn ruby color, say naught
For the seal of your lips, with ruby blend.
Mockingly said, Hafiz, to your every whim I tend
To what depths of mockery must I stoop and descend?”
Ghazal 298, Hafiz [1320 -1389]
It is August 13th again and I am in Montreal preparing for my next move. This time I’m going to Helsinki, Finland. Many things are going through my mind. There is a whole world to discover. There are new experiences waiting to be experienced and there are unknowns. Would I feel at home? Only time would tell.
In this web journal, I am planning to log my daily feelings as I start a new life in Helsinki. This is my first attempt at keeping a journal. It’s a rather personal journal. Some days, I will probably just write a string of words describing my day so this entry might be the longest I will ever write! I will arrive in Helsinki on August 20th, 2006. We will see what happens!
Maybe I didn’t give myself enough time to bond with any place. After all, I have been leading a nomadic life: leaving for Waterloo after only 2 years of living in Montreal; five years of four-month stays, moving from one place to another in pursuit of education and experience, determined to complete what was commenced without questioning the path. I finally returned to Montreal, an Engineer. This time, I stayed a bit longer: nearly 4 years. But the numbers didn’t seem to matter anymore. My heart wasn’t there; I was in the wrong place in my life!
It took me a while to figure it out. Funny what playing with clay can do to you! It started merely as a hobby in fall 2000. But slowly, it allowed me to imagine a life different from the one I was leading. It awakened parts of me that were long forsaken. All of a sudden, going back was no longer an option. It was time to follow my heart. It was time to let passion set the new direction. The nomad in me was awakened again. This time, I had a better sense of who I was and where I wanted to be. Being free of attachments and the lack of belonging seemed liberating. Maybe I didn’t need a place to call Home after all. Maybe Home could be wherever the passion flows!
One thing led to another and I found myself in Ottawa: The School of Industrial Design, daily bike rides by the Rideau Canal, the Parliament Hill, the Alexandria Bridge and the Museum of Civilization. Change of seasons, Wind, Sun, Rain and Snow: 2 years. Little did I know how I would change after all of this!
The first year was crazy. I don’t think I ever had so many all-nighters! I felt the pressure of time and I had high expectations. Two years of studio work was completed in one; something that many doubted was possible. The direction was right this time, but there was something lacking. That was balance. I couldn’t go on like that anymore. It was time to acknowledge the needs long neglected. It was time for new initiatives; the status quo was no longer acceptable!
The second year was much better. Diversified social circles, developing new friendships and few trips out of town to see friends made life more enjoyable. I became more open to new experiences. I even opened my heart. It wasn’t without consequences. There were some ups and downs; there are still some mixed feelings. But it felt right. I was finally learning how to live life, how to enjoy simple pleasures and how to share joyful moments with others. Not everyone was ready, but that’s life!
Ottawa started to feel like Home! I realized this only as I was preparing to leave again! The nomad within had not rested still. Life in Europe, the Scandinavian Design and growth opportunities had lured me to move again. It was luck! I got into the masters program I wanted. The restless nomad was eager to conquer the world! Yet another force wasn’t ready to let go of Ottawa, the new found communities of friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Moving wasn’t easy anymore! This ambivalence was new. It was surprising. I couldn’t recall ever thinking twice about moving. Packing and leaving had always been easy. But not this time! Something changed in Ottawa. I was a different man. I had allowed myself to bond. I had finally learned how to make myself at home!
“Secure place and sweet wine and tender friend
If only we could keep these three until the end.
The world and its affairs are all nothing for naught
A thousand times I have inquired of this trend.
Alas that until now I was so unaware
That alchemy of life is to befriend a friend.
Find a refuge and make the best of times
From the thieves of life, that our time waste and spend.
Repenting from the lips of the friend and the smiling cup
Is but a fantasy, a notion reason can’t defend.
Though I cannot ever touch your beautiful hair
On this vivid hope I can gladly depend.
The sweet dimple that adorns your chin, in depth,
A million deep thoughts can’t possibly transcend.
If my tears turn ruby color, say naught
For the seal of your lips, with ruby blend.
Mockingly said, Hafiz, to your every whim I tend
To what depths of mockery must I stoop and descend?”
Ghazal 298, Hafiz [1320 -1389]
It is August 13th again and I am in Montreal preparing for my next move. This time I’m going to Helsinki, Finland. Many things are going through my mind. There is a whole world to discover. There are new experiences waiting to be experienced and there are unknowns. Would I feel at home? Only time would tell.
In this web journal, I am planning to log my daily feelings as I start a new life in Helsinki. This is my first attempt at keeping a journal. It’s a rather personal journal. Some days, I will probably just write a string of words describing my day so this entry might be the longest I will ever write! I will arrive in Helsinki on August 20th, 2006. We will see what happens!
posted by Xagros at 8/13/2006
3 Comments:
This is very interesting Xagros. It appears that after years of searching and pondering you are finally finding your full potential and reaching the blissful state of self actualization; may we all be so lucky!
Studying in Europe will be amazing, hope you have a blast. Do us a favour in the frozen abyss known as Canada and update your blog when you get to Finland. Your work is both modern and dynamic, you have so much opportunity ahead of you!
Sincerely,
Jacob Steindykes
Finally getting to read your posting. Thanks for sharing your reflections with me (us). Your journey thus far has been a rich one and the future promises to be even richer, my friend. The search for home and true self is not an easy one, but well worth it as I think you're discovering. Thanks for opening yourself up and entering my life. Don't forget what you said about the importance of balance in your life as you enter the next stage of your journey.
xo
MW
You'll never stop surprising me. and what a familiar story... you have changed, I can feel that. and you'll keep changing for good. The nomad within you is taking you places that most people can only dream of. As a proud friend, I pray for you and may God brighten your path...
SHM
Post a Comment
<< Home